Dating a Former Employee





.everyoneloves__top-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__mid-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__bot-mid-leaderboard:empty{ margin-bottom:0;
}







3















I'm a senior, C level executive at a relatively small company (~75 employees). A while ago, I became very close to a direct report. We began spending more time together outside of work; first in groups in normal work/social situations, but the size of the groups got smaller and smaller until we began spending one on one time together. Poor judgment in retrospect, but we really enjoyed spending time with each other and we were both in a similar place in our lives, both going through the ending of long term relationships. In any event, it all came to a head when the rumor mill inevitably started and we were noticed and questioned. We cooled it immediately and avoided being seen together at work or away from work, though we didn't stop talking altogether, and of course we continued to work together closely for the past year+. Note that our company does not have any kind of anti fraternization or workplace dating policies; something we need, but something that I've been a poor champion of for obvious reasons.



She found a different job; and large parts of why she was looking was to resolve the situation:




  1. it made something of a sensitive workplace dynamic and


  2. if we were ever going to enjoy each other's company outside of work, something we both wanted and discussed, we couldn't work together. It doesn't hurt that her new role is a step up in an exciting new direction for her.



So now here we are. Not to get too far ahead of myself, but I don't want to do this poorly and put either of our careers at too significant a disadvantage. I have no idea what the right way to approach this is with my current workplace, though. Considerations include:




  1. morale among current staff and peers, direct reports and otherwise, some of whom we'd consider mutual friends,

  2. perception of my boss and the board,

  3. a reasonable timeline to avoid the appearance of gross impropriety,

  4. other things....?


If and as we begin dating (which could all become moot if it doesn't work for all the reasons relationships don't work out) I don't exactly intend to take out an ad, but these things have a way of getting out, and I frequently attend industry events that often include an invitation for a spouse or partner. Thoughts? Opinions? Advice? In many things, you find that you're the only one who thinks to care about these things. In many other things, you find that everybody cares beyond all rational reason. This is salacious enough to easily be the latter, though I'm happy to be pleasantly surprised by the former.



Thanks!










share|improve this question









New contributor




Rustler is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.





















  • Two good answers, just one point - any concerns by either company about the possibility of sharing confidential info - note I am not saying you would...

    – Solar Mike
    1 hour ago


















3















I'm a senior, C level executive at a relatively small company (~75 employees). A while ago, I became very close to a direct report. We began spending more time together outside of work; first in groups in normal work/social situations, but the size of the groups got smaller and smaller until we began spending one on one time together. Poor judgment in retrospect, but we really enjoyed spending time with each other and we were both in a similar place in our lives, both going through the ending of long term relationships. In any event, it all came to a head when the rumor mill inevitably started and we were noticed and questioned. We cooled it immediately and avoided being seen together at work or away from work, though we didn't stop talking altogether, and of course we continued to work together closely for the past year+. Note that our company does not have any kind of anti fraternization or workplace dating policies; something we need, but something that I've been a poor champion of for obvious reasons.



She found a different job; and large parts of why she was looking was to resolve the situation:




  1. it made something of a sensitive workplace dynamic and


  2. if we were ever going to enjoy each other's company outside of work, something we both wanted and discussed, we couldn't work together. It doesn't hurt that her new role is a step up in an exciting new direction for her.



So now here we are. Not to get too far ahead of myself, but I don't want to do this poorly and put either of our careers at too significant a disadvantage. I have no idea what the right way to approach this is with my current workplace, though. Considerations include:




  1. morale among current staff and peers, direct reports and otherwise, some of whom we'd consider mutual friends,

  2. perception of my boss and the board,

  3. a reasonable timeline to avoid the appearance of gross impropriety,

  4. other things....?


If and as we begin dating (which could all become moot if it doesn't work for all the reasons relationships don't work out) I don't exactly intend to take out an ad, but these things have a way of getting out, and I frequently attend industry events that often include an invitation for a spouse or partner. Thoughts? Opinions? Advice? In many things, you find that you're the only one who thinks to care about these things. In many other things, you find that everybody cares beyond all rational reason. This is salacious enough to easily be the latter, though I'm happy to be pleasantly surprised by the former.



Thanks!










share|improve this question









New contributor




Rustler is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.





















  • Two good answers, just one point - any concerns by either company about the possibility of sharing confidential info - note I am not saying you would...

    – Solar Mike
    1 hour ago














3












3








3








I'm a senior, C level executive at a relatively small company (~75 employees). A while ago, I became very close to a direct report. We began spending more time together outside of work; first in groups in normal work/social situations, but the size of the groups got smaller and smaller until we began spending one on one time together. Poor judgment in retrospect, but we really enjoyed spending time with each other and we were both in a similar place in our lives, both going through the ending of long term relationships. In any event, it all came to a head when the rumor mill inevitably started and we were noticed and questioned. We cooled it immediately and avoided being seen together at work or away from work, though we didn't stop talking altogether, and of course we continued to work together closely for the past year+. Note that our company does not have any kind of anti fraternization or workplace dating policies; something we need, but something that I've been a poor champion of for obvious reasons.



She found a different job; and large parts of why she was looking was to resolve the situation:




  1. it made something of a sensitive workplace dynamic and


  2. if we were ever going to enjoy each other's company outside of work, something we both wanted and discussed, we couldn't work together. It doesn't hurt that her new role is a step up in an exciting new direction for her.



So now here we are. Not to get too far ahead of myself, but I don't want to do this poorly and put either of our careers at too significant a disadvantage. I have no idea what the right way to approach this is with my current workplace, though. Considerations include:




  1. morale among current staff and peers, direct reports and otherwise, some of whom we'd consider mutual friends,

  2. perception of my boss and the board,

  3. a reasonable timeline to avoid the appearance of gross impropriety,

  4. other things....?


If and as we begin dating (which could all become moot if it doesn't work for all the reasons relationships don't work out) I don't exactly intend to take out an ad, but these things have a way of getting out, and I frequently attend industry events that often include an invitation for a spouse or partner. Thoughts? Opinions? Advice? In many things, you find that you're the only one who thinks to care about these things. In many other things, you find that everybody cares beyond all rational reason. This is salacious enough to easily be the latter, though I'm happy to be pleasantly surprised by the former.



Thanks!










share|improve this question









New contributor




Rustler is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.












I'm a senior, C level executive at a relatively small company (~75 employees). A while ago, I became very close to a direct report. We began spending more time together outside of work; first in groups in normal work/social situations, but the size of the groups got smaller and smaller until we began spending one on one time together. Poor judgment in retrospect, but we really enjoyed spending time with each other and we were both in a similar place in our lives, both going through the ending of long term relationships. In any event, it all came to a head when the rumor mill inevitably started and we were noticed and questioned. We cooled it immediately and avoided being seen together at work or away from work, though we didn't stop talking altogether, and of course we continued to work together closely for the past year+. Note that our company does not have any kind of anti fraternization or workplace dating policies; something we need, but something that I've been a poor champion of for obvious reasons.



She found a different job; and large parts of why she was looking was to resolve the situation:




  1. it made something of a sensitive workplace dynamic and


  2. if we were ever going to enjoy each other's company outside of work, something we both wanted and discussed, we couldn't work together. It doesn't hurt that her new role is a step up in an exciting new direction for her.



So now here we are. Not to get too far ahead of myself, but I don't want to do this poorly and put either of our careers at too significant a disadvantage. I have no idea what the right way to approach this is with my current workplace, though. Considerations include:




  1. morale among current staff and peers, direct reports and otherwise, some of whom we'd consider mutual friends,

  2. perception of my boss and the board,

  3. a reasonable timeline to avoid the appearance of gross impropriety,

  4. other things....?


If and as we begin dating (which could all become moot if it doesn't work for all the reasons relationships don't work out) I don't exactly intend to take out an ad, but these things have a way of getting out, and I frequently attend industry events that often include an invitation for a spouse or partner. Thoughts? Opinions? Advice? In many things, you find that you're the only one who thinks to care about these things. In many other things, you find that everybody cares beyond all rational reason. This is salacious enough to easily be the latter, though I'm happy to be pleasantly surprised by the former.



Thanks!







human-resources relationships morale






share|improve this question









New contributor




Rustler is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.











share|improve this question









New contributor




Rustler is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.









share|improve this question




share|improve this question








edited 1 hour ago









virolino

4,0952635




4,0952635






New contributor




Rustler is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.









asked 4 hours ago









Rustler Rustler

241




241




New contributor




Rustler is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.





New contributor





Rustler is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.






Rustler is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.













  • Two good answers, just one point - any concerns by either company about the possibility of sharing confidential info - note I am not saying you would...

    – Solar Mike
    1 hour ago



















  • Two good answers, just one point - any concerns by either company about the possibility of sharing confidential info - note I am not saying you would...

    – Solar Mike
    1 hour ago

















Two good answers, just one point - any concerns by either company about the possibility of sharing confidential info - note I am not saying you would...

– Solar Mike
1 hour ago





Two good answers, just one point - any concerns by either company about the possibility of sharing confidential info - note I am not saying you would...

– Solar Mike
1 hour ago










3 Answers
3






active

oldest

votes


















7














Go for it.



She sacrificed her job for you.



Marry her while you're at it so people can't talk shit behind your back anymore. Because at that point, attacking a colleague's spouse is an HR issue.






share|improve this answer































    4














    I dated someone from work at a similar size company who was senior to me (although I was not a direct report and she was the level below C-level).



    When we made our relationship public (shortly before she left that job) we found that almost everyone who had an opinion was really happy for us.



    We're married now, and there's no way that the opinion of anyone from that company could ever be more important to me than hers.



    Ask her out.






    share|improve this answer































      3














      As long as private matters do not affect job matters, go ahead. The only rule that I know of is: there must be no personal relationship between two people which are hierarchically related (i.e. one is the boss of the other, even if not direct boss).



      I had several pairs of colleagues which had relationships and some even got married and have children, and everything was fine.



      In your case, it is the same. As long as you are not hierarchically related, make any life decision which you see fit.



      If your girlfriend changed jobs in order to make things easier for the personal relationship, then it gives you an extra-hint about her intentions.






      share|improve this answer
























        Your Answer








        StackExchange.ready(function() {
        var channelOptions = {
        tags: "".split(" "),
        id: "423"
        };
        initTagRenderer("".split(" "), "".split(" "), channelOptions);

        StackExchange.using("externalEditor", function() {
        // Have to fire editor after snippets, if snippets enabled
        if (StackExchange.settings.snippets.snippetsEnabled) {
        StackExchange.using("snippets", function() {
        createEditor();
        });
        }
        else {
        createEditor();
        }
        });

        function createEditor() {
        StackExchange.prepareEditor({
        heartbeatType: 'answer',
        autoActivateHeartbeat: false,
        convertImagesToLinks: false,
        noModals: true,
        showLowRepImageUploadWarning: true,
        reputationToPostImages: null,
        bindNavPrevention: true,
        postfix: "",
        imageUploader: {
        brandingHtml: "Powered by u003ca class="icon-imgur-white" href="https://imgur.com/"u003eu003c/au003e",
        contentPolicyHtml: "User contributions licensed under u003ca href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/"u003ecc by-sa 3.0 with attribution requiredu003c/au003e u003ca href="https://stackoverflow.com/legal/content-policy"u003e(content policy)u003c/au003e",
        allowUrls: true
        },
        noCode: true, onDemand: false,
        discardSelector: ".discard-answer"
        ,immediatelyShowMarkdownHelp:true
        });


        }
        });






        Rustler is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.










        draft saved

        draft discarded


















        StackExchange.ready(
        function () {
        StackExchange.openid.initPostLogin('.new-post-login', 'https%3a%2f%2fworkplace.stackexchange.com%2fquestions%2f133985%2fdating-a-former-employee%23new-answer', 'question_page');
        }
        );

        Post as a guest















        Required, but never shown




















        StackExchange.ready(function () {
        $("#show-editor-button input, #show-editor-button button").click(function () {
        var showEditor = function() {
        $("#show-editor-button").hide();
        $("#post-form").removeClass("dno");
        StackExchange.editor.finallyInit();
        };

        var useFancy = $(this).data('confirm-use-fancy');
        if(useFancy == 'True') {
        var popupTitle = $(this).data('confirm-fancy-title');
        var popupBody = $(this).data('confirm-fancy-body');
        var popupAccept = $(this).data('confirm-fancy-accept-button');

        $(this).loadPopup({
        url: '/post/self-answer-popup',
        loaded: function(popup) {
        var pTitle = $(popup).find('h2');
        var pBody = $(popup).find('.popup-body');
        var pSubmit = $(popup).find('.popup-submit');

        pTitle.text(popupTitle);
        pBody.html(popupBody);
        pSubmit.val(popupAccept).click(showEditor);
        }
        })
        } else{
        var confirmText = $(this).data('confirm-text');
        if (confirmText ? confirm(confirmText) : true) {
        showEditor();
        }
        }
        });
        });






        3 Answers
        3






        active

        oldest

        votes








        3 Answers
        3






        active

        oldest

        votes









        active

        oldest

        votes






        active

        oldest

        votes









        7














        Go for it.



        She sacrificed her job for you.



        Marry her while you're at it so people can't talk shit behind your back anymore. Because at that point, attacking a colleague's spouse is an HR issue.






        share|improve this answer




























          7














          Go for it.



          She sacrificed her job for you.



          Marry her while you're at it so people can't talk shit behind your back anymore. Because at that point, attacking a colleague's spouse is an HR issue.






          share|improve this answer


























            7












            7








            7







            Go for it.



            She sacrificed her job for you.



            Marry her while you're at it so people can't talk shit behind your back anymore. Because at that point, attacking a colleague's spouse is an HR issue.






            share|improve this answer













            Go for it.



            She sacrificed her job for you.



            Marry her while you're at it so people can't talk shit behind your back anymore. Because at that point, attacking a colleague's spouse is an HR issue.







            share|improve this answer












            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer










            answered 4 hours ago









            JackJack

            1,356289




            1,356289

























                4














                I dated someone from work at a similar size company who was senior to me (although I was not a direct report and she was the level below C-level).



                When we made our relationship public (shortly before she left that job) we found that almost everyone who had an opinion was really happy for us.



                We're married now, and there's no way that the opinion of anyone from that company could ever be more important to me than hers.



                Ask her out.






                share|improve this answer




























                  4














                  I dated someone from work at a similar size company who was senior to me (although I was not a direct report and she was the level below C-level).



                  When we made our relationship public (shortly before she left that job) we found that almost everyone who had an opinion was really happy for us.



                  We're married now, and there's no way that the opinion of anyone from that company could ever be more important to me than hers.



                  Ask her out.






                  share|improve this answer


























                    4












                    4








                    4







                    I dated someone from work at a similar size company who was senior to me (although I was not a direct report and she was the level below C-level).



                    When we made our relationship public (shortly before she left that job) we found that almost everyone who had an opinion was really happy for us.



                    We're married now, and there's no way that the opinion of anyone from that company could ever be more important to me than hers.



                    Ask her out.






                    share|improve this answer













                    I dated someone from work at a similar size company who was senior to me (although I was not a direct report and she was the level below C-level).



                    When we made our relationship public (shortly before she left that job) we found that almost everyone who had an opinion was really happy for us.



                    We're married now, and there's no way that the opinion of anyone from that company could ever be more important to me than hers.



                    Ask her out.







                    share|improve this answer












                    share|improve this answer



                    share|improve this answer










                    answered 1 hour ago









                    Player OnePlayer One

                    1,01149




                    1,01149























                        3














                        As long as private matters do not affect job matters, go ahead. The only rule that I know of is: there must be no personal relationship between two people which are hierarchically related (i.e. one is the boss of the other, even if not direct boss).



                        I had several pairs of colleagues which had relationships and some even got married and have children, and everything was fine.



                        In your case, it is the same. As long as you are not hierarchically related, make any life decision which you see fit.



                        If your girlfriend changed jobs in order to make things easier for the personal relationship, then it gives you an extra-hint about her intentions.






                        share|improve this answer




























                          3














                          As long as private matters do not affect job matters, go ahead. The only rule that I know of is: there must be no personal relationship between two people which are hierarchically related (i.e. one is the boss of the other, even if not direct boss).



                          I had several pairs of colleagues which had relationships and some even got married and have children, and everything was fine.



                          In your case, it is the same. As long as you are not hierarchically related, make any life decision which you see fit.



                          If your girlfriend changed jobs in order to make things easier for the personal relationship, then it gives you an extra-hint about her intentions.






                          share|improve this answer


























                            3












                            3








                            3







                            As long as private matters do not affect job matters, go ahead. The only rule that I know of is: there must be no personal relationship between two people which are hierarchically related (i.e. one is the boss of the other, even if not direct boss).



                            I had several pairs of colleagues which had relationships and some even got married and have children, and everything was fine.



                            In your case, it is the same. As long as you are not hierarchically related, make any life decision which you see fit.



                            If your girlfriend changed jobs in order to make things easier for the personal relationship, then it gives you an extra-hint about her intentions.






                            share|improve this answer













                            As long as private matters do not affect job matters, go ahead. The only rule that I know of is: there must be no personal relationship between two people which are hierarchically related (i.e. one is the boss of the other, even if not direct boss).



                            I had several pairs of colleagues which had relationships and some even got married and have children, and everything was fine.



                            In your case, it is the same. As long as you are not hierarchically related, make any life decision which you see fit.



                            If your girlfriend changed jobs in order to make things easier for the personal relationship, then it gives you an extra-hint about her intentions.







                            share|improve this answer












                            share|improve this answer



                            share|improve this answer










                            answered 1 hour ago









                            virolinovirolino

                            4,0952635




                            4,0952635






















                                Rustler is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.










                                draft saved

                                draft discarded


















                                Rustler is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.













                                Rustler is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.












                                Rustler is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
















                                Thanks for contributing an answer to The Workplace Stack Exchange!


                                • Please be sure to answer the question. Provide details and share your research!

                                But avoid



                                • Asking for help, clarification, or responding to other answers.

                                • Making statements based on opinion; back them up with references or personal experience.


                                To learn more, see our tips on writing great answers.




                                draft saved


                                draft discarded














                                StackExchange.ready(
                                function () {
                                StackExchange.openid.initPostLogin('.new-post-login', 'https%3a%2f%2fworkplace.stackexchange.com%2fquestions%2f133985%2fdating-a-former-employee%23new-answer', 'question_page');
                                }
                                );

                                Post as a guest















                                Required, but never shown





















































                                Required, but never shown














                                Required, but never shown












                                Required, but never shown







                                Required, but never shown

































                                Required, but never shown














                                Required, but never shown












                                Required, but never shown







                                Required, but never shown











                                Popular posts from this blog

                                Knooppunt Holsloot

                                Altaar (religie)

                                Gregoriusmis